What was I thinking? June 4, 2008

Okay, I haven’t posted in a long while. I have felt very busy with the little ones and dad’s deployment. It always seems that I can never get ahead of the game. Most of you saw my sincere worry about staying home with my children. Well you will be happy to know, I am no longer worried. I have my military drill over the next two weeks. I am only two days in and I miss my children terribly, I don’t want to go back to work, and my children don’t want me to leave them. Yes!!!( wineymomma was right) I would rather be home with my children. Believe me; this is a huge shock for me too! I have always considered myself a career woman. I like worked. I liked the challenge. I liked the reward. (Lets be honest “mom” is many times a thankless job). So I worked myself up the ladder. Very successfully I might add. I was very proud. I really thought the kids might be doing better in daycare. They came home with great “Art” work. The read lots of stories, had a schedule, went for naps daily, and had other friends their age. I was SURE this was the best place for them; not home with me! My mom even agreed.

Then today I returned from work and both little ones ran to each other, they missed their mom but their bond for each other was stronger than I had ever seen it. Daddy’s buddy was full of bad behavior all night and my princess won’t sleep without me in her room. Then I realized, my discipline and guidance has made them secure and now they are very unsure of what is going on. Security. There are so many times in my life where I wish I could be secure. Secure in my relationships, secure in my jobs, secure in my faith. I am giving my children something that will mean so much more than their art work and daycare friends. I’m kinda successful at being a mom too Man that feels great!

How did we get here? May 16, 2008

Frustraion! I am full of frustraion! I called one of my best friends this morning to vent all this frustration but I still feel no better. First of all, we have an amazing church family. Since my husband has been deployed they have been more than amazing! I have gotten babysitters for my drill weekend, boys to mow my grass, they have really stepped up to help during this crazy time. So the last couple weeks in church they announced they were having a father and son campout. Anyone who did not have a “dad” to come, they would help work something out. Well, we found a “dad” to take my little man. We went shopping and got stuff for smores and packed his camping gear for his departure today. He was so excited! Last night we get a call that due to church regualations “no child can share a tent with someone that is not a parent”. To be honest, I have not told my little guy that he’s not going, I don’t know how to. How do you explain why to a 3 year old. I don’t understand it myself. How did our world get here? How have so many people done so many bad things that there is a regulation to prevent molestation of a 3yrd old boy? This hurts my heart! I am angry. Frustrated. Sad. I can’t believe this is were we are in today’s day!

Oh, if your looking for us tonight, we will be camping (probably in the back yard), making smores. I will not be totally defeated!

 

Missing you May 2, 2008

My husband. I was thinking today about how much I missed everyone when I was deployed. Now I was able to call everyone from Cuba, e-mail daily, and chat most of the time. It was hard to call my status “deployed” other than it was involuntary and I didn’t have my family there. It was still a beach and some great living quarters. So as I think about my husband in Afghanistan I can only feel pride for all he has chosen to give up to help the people of that country and provide safety to our Nation. When he asks me how my day is and I start to complain about being sick, the children being sick, the house stuff breaking, he provides positive thoughts to help me through my day. He is my strength.

Today when I woke up it was snowing. Yesterday we all got sunburns and today… snow. Since I grew up on the beach I was not at all happy about the snow, then I got a message from my honey. It was 110 deg. at it is nighttime there. He had been out working all day in the heat. And I was gonna complain about the snow. Perspective. I need to find a different perspective. I need to be his strength. I need to give back to him all those positive things he gives me everyday. No wonder he’s our hero!

I love you honey. Here’s a picture from snowy Colorado! We love you!

Monday, Monday, Monday April 28, 2008

The only think I hate worse than the Monday’s is being sick. I am a miserable sick person. I don’t function. I totally shut down. If there weren’t children to care for, I wouldn’t even get out of bed. So I’ve been sick for the last two days and finally this morning I am feeling better. It helps that the kids are so excited this morning. The woke up extremely happy to start the day and their mood has brushed off on me. Its supposed to be great weather here and I am determined to get out into the sun! Pile on the sunscreen and lets go!!!!

Pictures of the little ones, making my day brighter!

 

 

So many feelings…So little time! April 26, 2008

God has blessed me with the ability to stay home with my children. I haven’t gotten the patience part of that blessing yet, but we can “afford” for me to stay home. So WHY OH WHY am I so stressed, depressed, angry, frusterated, the list goes on!!? I’m not at work, which was extremely stressful (so I thought). I’m just home spending time with my children…right.

When all is said and done I’ve gotten two forms of advice about my dilema. My mom says to go back to work, I don’t belong here. My husband says to see the happy side of things. Although both of these sets of advice intially made me angry, I’m gonna pick one and roll with it. What the worst that can happen? The day already stinks. Even though my husband is rarely right, (compaired to me) I’m going to go with his advice.  Here is a gratitude list (wineymomma would love this!).

A= Aunt Debbie / B=Blogging / C=Cookies / D=Daddy / E=Emmie / F=Friends / G= God / H=Husband / I=Income Tax returns / J=Jokes / K=Kittens / L=Love / M=motherhood / N=Naps / O=Others / P=Peanuts / Q=Questions / R=Ryan / S=Safety / T=Tickles / U=Underwear / V=Visitors / W=Women / X=Xanax / Y=youthfulness / Z=zoo

I do feel better. I guess he’s right sometimes.

 

Daddy’s Buddy April 22, 2008

So most of you know that little man is not liking his daddy’s recent deployment. I’ve been trying to keep him very busy! We started soccer for the first time, I signed him up for T-ball starting next month, and I have tried to take him to baseball games (he loves baseball with dad). So he informed me that girls don’t go to baseball! Girls don’t play soccer. When I tried to tell him mommy and sissy will be his buddies he promptly stated “Girls can’t be buddies”. I was at a loss.

Then last night when leaving his bed for multiple reasons , bathroom, kisses, hugs, anything but sleep, he said “Mommy I need to sleep in your bed to protect you from the Lions”. Since I have gotten no where with all other attempts to provide him comfort, I woke to a protecting little “spiderman” this morning! Here’s a picture.

These mornings remind me how great it is to be their mother!

A day of learning… April 20, 2008

 

Today was a very busy Saturday. We spent about 5 hours in the car traveling in and around Denver. One of our many stops was big-sis’s soccer game. We don’t get to spend much time with her (every other weekend) but when we do the kids just have a blast! So…getting to the meat of tonight’s blog. I continue to see sides of my little princess and learn from her. Now she just turned two and has always been VERY different than big-brother. She is EXTREMELY stong willed and cannot be argued with. She yells at her brother and any other person who tries to tell her what to do. Now my honey and I have tried to get her to ‘listen’ to what Mom and Dad say to do but not qwell her spirit of independence. I thought about how hard it is to be a teenage girl, the peer pressure, the friends, the acceptance and I want so much to foster her to be a leader and not a follower (she leads EVERYONE in our house right now). So… in a effort to promote her ’spirit’ we have let her stand her ground ‘most’ of the time.

Many of you can imagine that today at the soccer game big-sis’s step day decided to chase the little kids around. To set the stage there were three little 2-3yr olds sitting on the blanket with me eating popcorn. He sneaks up and pretends to be ‘getting’ them. The two boys run away to play ‘chase’ when little miss ‘independent’ stands up, points her finger, and promptly yells “NO SIR” at him! Mom of course could not stop laughing. For a minute should I tell her “no yelling” or “we don’t yell at adults”? Believe me, I grew up in the south I’m a “yes maam” kind of mom. We obey adults! We don’t talk back! But man, I was floored! I didn’t know what to do.  Obviously since the boys ran off to be chased the nice man ran after the boys but my princess ran chase after them yelling “no” to all of them, pointing her finger and yelling, she was convinced that they were misbehaving!

The entire trip home I thought about this. When she becomes a young woman I don’t want her to give in to others demands. I want her to stand up and yell no when she doesn’t think something is right. I also want her to respect adults. At the same time how much of this is just crazy two yr-old behavior?

I didn’t come up with any answers to this and I am continuing to ponder it. The one thing I am sure of is this is one fiesty little girl. If she stays like this the boyfriends will be small in number due to her high demands! I’m sure Dad won’t mind!

 

I can’t make this stuff up! April 13, 2008

I had a crazy day, a depressing day, and I didn’t want to blog. I thought that is exactly why I should blog, maybe it will make me feel better. After reading some of my favorite blogs (mary and bob, wineymomma, and prudie) I decided to tackle my blog. At first I thought I could right about how stinky today was but who wants to read that? So here are some great things that happened today.

Since most people knew ‘the honey’ was officially in Afghanistan today I got a TON of calls from some really AMAZING women just being the best friends a girl could ever ask for! These ladies really are the best that God could make!

Second, I put the kids in the tub to be entertained while I cleaned up from dinner. When I returned 3 minutes later they had gotten the newspaper dad had left by the towlet and put in the bath, both children where blue! Smurfs! Blue all over! They must have used the newspaper as a washcloth. Too bad I didn’t get a picture of that.

Right before bed I did get an “I’m safe and okay” call to help me sleep, I wasn’t expecting that at all, what a great present.

I got to work in my yard today…. there was at least 3 hours worth of sun and I made use of every minute of it!

Today wasn’t really that bad now that I’m blogging about it!

WHEN WILL IT END?? April 11, 2008

Come on already!!! I have been locked in this house with these children for 3 days! Its a ‘winter storm’! The winds were so bad yesterday that the kids couldn’t even walk on their own. We tried to complete one errand and it was miserable! All I want is a little sun, warm weather, yard work, kids playing outside!  I’m going to have to go visit family just to get out of this sad winter weather. YEAH YEAH we have the mountains, snow, hiking, skiing, but the beach and the sun sound a heck of alot better! This is some seriously depressing weather!

I want some warm weather!!! April 9, 2008

Okay, I was really upset that we were on a winter storm watch. Then I read Prudie’s post and learned the south hasn’t had the arrival of spring yet! Come on though, yesterday my son was kicking the soccer ball around in the sun and now we are under a winter storm watch! Snow tonight and tomorrow; locked in the house with the kids…..HELP! Then again, I don’t know why I want the warm weather so bad, we don’t have air conditioning (like most people in colorado springs). Since I grew up in the south I am pretty addicted to A.C. and would love to have it. Should be an interesting pregnancy this summer!!!